Quetzalcoatl
His name translated in Nahuatl (Aztec language) literally means “Feathered Serpent”. He was represented by a feathered serpent. Quetzalcoatl was the god of wisdom, life and wind (but in his wind form he is called Ehecatl). He created the world (for the fifth time, because like always happens, the gods realize that they did an awful job of creating the world and they reboot it. Examples are when Zeus flooded the world, Odin destroys Midgard and build it again, and Noah’s ark), by descending to the Underworld and tricking the god of death to give him the bones from the humans of the past, the god of death gives them to him and Quetzalcoatl creates everything again by making himself bleed over the bones from blood from his hands, arms, and penis (he didn’t cut it off, he just made a little scar from where the blood flow, but he is now fine, like you will see in the next myth). Also Quetzalcoatl is the god of life, so he didn’t die (although Aztec gods are not immortal).
Another myth says that Quetzalcoatl descended to the mythical city of Tollan in earth, became the king and taught the humans astrology, how to crop corn, medicine, and other goodies, And he saw that this was good, but Tezcatlipoca was jealous of him, so he tricked Quetzalcoatl by drunken him with pulque (alcoholic beverage made out of agave), and Quetzalcoatl fornicated drunk with his prioress,Quetzalpetlatl (See? His part did just fine despite what he had to do to create the world). Quetzalcoatl felt shame and left Tollan to travel east, but he promised the humans to return to make everybody gods.
Quetzalcoatl was white, so Montezuma believed that Hernán Cortés was Quetzalcoatl who had returned to them, and this so-called “Quetzalcoatl” also brought something to the Aztecs: not knowledge, but smallpox, malaria, yellow fever, measles, chicken pox, typhus, influenza, and the Inquisition(note: the mayans have their own version of Quetzalcoatl, Kukulcan, and when people think that Kukulcan and Quetzalcoatl are the same thing and that the Aztecs and the Mayans are the same people, this is the item #166 of the Rant List). Some historians believe that Quetzalcoatl is Odin from Norse mythology brought by the vikings because Odin is also the god of wisdom and poetry.
Tezcatlipoca
This god was considered bad to the Aztecs for being the god of night, sorcery, and discord, but they still worshipped him. He is Quetzalcoatl’s brother and used to hang out like super-friends (they even created the world together for the first time, and killed together Cipatli, a cocrodile that had a mouth in every joint) but something happened between them, and Tezcatlipoca became rival of Quetzalcoatl. Some historians say that in mythology, Tezcatlipoca was worshipped as the major deity in Tollan, and he asked for human sacrifices, but Quetzalcoatl came with his peace-and-love philosophy, and stopped the human sacrifices (Quetzalcoatl did not asked for human sacrifices in Aztec practices in real life), so he withdrew Tezcatlipoca from the temples. Tezcatlipoca became angry and to regain Tollan, he gave to Quetzalcoatl some booze. While Quetzalcoatl was represented by a feathered serpent, Tezcatlipoca was represented by a Jaguar.
Huitzilopochtli
Other brother of Quetzalcoatl and major god of Tenochtitlan. He was born after his mother (Coatlicue) was walking around and found an strange sphere, Coatlicue put the ball in her womb, and became pregnant (by the way, Coatlicue was a virgin). Her sister and brothers got mad and tried to kill Coatlicue, but Huitzilopochtli, god of war, was born fully grown and ready to battle, and killed his aunt, beheaded her and kick her body to the sky to become the moon. Huitzilopochtli killed several of his uncles, and went behind the rest of them, the uncles ran away to the sky and become the stars, and were named Centzon Huitznahua. After kicking out the Centzon Huitznahua, Huitzilopochtli was worshipped as god of war. One day, he found some people in the Aztlan Valley and told them to walk west and found a city where an eagle eats a snake while standing over a cactus in the middle of a lake, the people of Aztlan went and founded Mexico City (and because the city is on a lake, it is slowly sinking, for real). Although this god was as bloodthirsty as Tezcatlipoca in his ceremonies, he is one of Quetzalcoatl’s best friends.
Tlaloc
Best friend of Quetzalcoatl, and god of water, hail, lightning, thunder, and water-related things. Had googly eyes and jaguar teeth. Priests used to eat babies to make rain, however, it was considered good among the Aztecs. If someone died by drowning or struck by a lightning, the person would go to the Tlalocan, Tlaloc’s Kingdom in the Upperworld that was a water paradise, and where Tlaloc makes rain, hail, snow, and all of that. One day, the mexican government found an statue of Tlaloc somewhere in Mexico, so they transported it to Mexico City, and started to rain a lot during the trip (and not those drizzles that people from the Rio Grande Valley call “rain". I mean thunders, and lightnings and stuff).
Xolotl
Quetzalcoatl’s ugly bother. Had human body and dog head. Because of his deformity, he lived in the Underworld helping the dead to find their way. God of deformities, but also could control lighting and fire. Was represented by a hairless dog (whose breed is the Xoloitzcuintle). Despite of his ugliness, Aztec worshipers liked him, but the gods sent him to work with Mictlantecuhtli in the Underworld. He only had one friend, Huehuecoyotl (Mictlantecuhtli was more like a boss).
Huehuecoyotl
His name literally means “very old coyote”. Only friend of Xolotl, and was the trickster god of mischief, music and partying (although he was the god of mischief, he is not evil, he is more like Dionysius). He has another very funny friend, named Xochipilli (huehuecoyotl did not had a coyote head, but had a coyote mask).
Xochipilli
Brother of the goddess of love. Like his sister he was the god of beauty, art, dance, flowers, male prostitution and homosexuality. He had several female and male lovers, according to some myths (although homosexuals were protected by this god, the aztec law was very harsh with them. If the authorities would caught an homosexual, they would do horrible stuff to them, but the Mayans-who are NOT the aztecs-were cool to homosexuality). Also, he had a pointy stick and likes to poke it around, but if the tip touched your heart, you would fall in love.
Xochiquetzal
(A goddess!) Goddess of love, fertility, and female sexual power. Twin sister of Xochipilli. She would get married to several gods. Once she married Tlaloc, and they lived happily, but t̶h̶e̶ ̶p̶a̶r̶t̶y̶ ̶p̶o̶o̶p̶e̶r̶ Tezcatlipoca came and kidnapped Xochiquetzal and forced her to marry him (but then, she managed to divorce him).
Mictlantecuhtli
Uglier than Xolotl. He was represented by an skeleton because he was the god of death and Lord of the Underworld (aka. Mictlan). He was considered kind of evil because the Underworld was filled with traps, such mountains that moved, oceans of fire, etc. Like I said, he guarded the bones of the humans when Quetzalcoatl decided to reboot the world for the fifth time, but he was playing “finders-keepers” and he tried to trick Quetzalcoatl, but Quetzalcoatl tricked him back and he gave to Quetzalcoatl the bones, so he could spill his blood on them and remake the humans.
Coatlicue
Mother of most of the gods and goddesses. She was the “mother earth” goddess. Because she has fought many times, he lost her head and was replaced by two snakes. She was nice, but Coyolxauhqui, her sister, did not liked her, but Huitzilopochtli took care of her.
Itztlacoliuhqui
Punisher god of Justice and the morning star. He used to be cool, and warm, but one day Tonatiuh (the sun god) was asking for bloody and ridiculous sacrifices, so he decided to teach him a lesson on compassion and humility by throwing him an arrow to kill Tonatiuh, but missed and Tonatiuh grabbed it and threw it back, making Itztlacoliuhqui a god with a cold heart. He was considered the evilest god of all the pantheon that he didn’t even had a temple.
Tonatiuh
The sun god guardian of the fifth sun. He was a god that the divinity went to his head and Itztlacoliuhqui wanted him to put him in his place but turned to be the other way around. One of the Spanish Conquistadors, Pedro de Alvarado, was called Tonatiuh because some say that he was a redhead (And also turned out to be a barbaric soldier, who murdered various Aztec captains and soldiers unarmed in a religious celebration, known as The Massacre of the Toxalt, turning point in the Conquest of Mexico).
Centzon-Totochtin
Were divine bunnies that were FOUR HUNDRED DRUNKEN RABBITS (also called Spring Breakers), who were born from Mayahuel, goddess of Agave and alcohol, who also had FOUR HUNDRED breasts, so she could nurture the rabbits, and alcoholized milk would come out from her breasts. The rabbits travel around, but sometimes they meet together to party, and when that happens all of the rabbits get (more) drunk. These rabbits were the gods of drunkenness (duh!), and each rabbit represented a different way in which a person can get drunk.
Popocatepetl
Not a god. He was a legendary mortal who was a warrior who was in love with the emperor’s daughter (Iztaccihuatl) who loved him back, but the emperor (aka. Huey Tlatoani) made a deal with Popocatepetl that if he wanted to marry Iztaccihuatl, he had to go to battle and return victorious. So Popocatepetl went to battle and promised to her to return, but a rival warrior who had a crush on Iztaccihuatl, came back before Popocatepetl and told her that Popocatepetl was killed in battle, and instead of marrying him (like he planned), she dies of broken heart. When Popocatepetl returns, he finds her dead and takes her to the mountains where he cries for her and makes her a honorable burial. Popocatepetl, while he was crying for her, he also dies of broken heart. This touched the hearts of the gods and turned the couple into volcanoes, so they could finally be together. The volcanoes are real and surround Mexico city, the volcano Iztaccihuatl is extinct, but Popocatepetl is still active and very frequently exhales smoke and (or) ash, sometimes the exhalations can be very dangerous to the communities around. Lately, Popocatepetl has been upset, and he throws ash, smoke, and other stuff, sometimes threatens to throw lava and giant rocks, and some people (spiritists) speculate that is because The Mighty Popocatepetl, guardian of Mexico, is pissed off at what are the presidents doing with Mexico, and with all the corruption, drug trafficking, etc (You know, what has been on the news).
Note: When Mexico’s roads were safe, I came to these volcanoes to visit them with my family. We walked around the park, but then we decided to hitchhike the Iztaccíhuatl (Popocatépetl was kind of unsafe, because that day I think some smoke was coming out, and there was wind, and you know, those radioactive gases (Radon-222 and its friends) that come from volcanoes do not give you superpowers, but kill you). We climbed half of the Iztaccihuatl before finding our way back to our car due to the cold weather it was getting as we went up.
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